Over 14 years ago I was married. We have no cute, natural photos from our wedding showing how much we loved each other.. How I ‘caught his eye’. As customary, we took only the unnatural, bollywood pose style photos that showed my awkwardness in being around a guy for the first time, and my husbands sweat lines from nervousness and a hat that was too tight..
We did have ONE photo of me looking shying down with a big smile and my husband turned in my direction cracking a joke.. But this photo only exists because I cropped out the person sitting on the OTHER side of me that he was really talking to. Yeah, I know..
I can’t say that my husband was terribly involved in the actual day to day work of the kids.. He didn’t really change diapers.. Didn’t give that many bottles.. I don’t think he ever FED the kids by his own hand..
He’s not the kind to bring home flowers unannounced, lavish me with gifts, or write really romantic cards.. Although, to be fair, he did do all these things to some degree at some point in our marriage..
None of the usual conventions of a ‘good Facebook husband’ that can be seen by others fill up our lives.. And if THESE were the measures I were to focus on, I’m positive he wouldn’t measure up.
Or for that matter, neither would I.
But Alhamdullillah for measures that can’t be counted.. Or aren’t so visible. My husband is some one who has pushed me to be more ME.. To live my life to the fullest.. To chase my dreams, to utilize my strengths. He sees ME.. He values me..
He may not buy me gifts that often but he pushes me to see what gifts I possess inside myself..
What I lack in sweet words from him is made up for by his determination to give me sweetness in my time.. “Me time” I so desperately need to stay centered.
I always think, he’s so perfect for ME..
My husband stands beside me.. He doesn’t fill the walls of our life with beautiful pictures and shiny things… That’s more my style.. He’s too busy laying the foundation for our family.. Giving us roots.. Helping us stand straight.. You know, the boring stuff.
A friend told me recently she was struggling in her marriage.. Facebook is hard when that happens.. My usual mantras kept floating into my mind.. ‘Write your own rules’ I wanted to tell her.. Judge your life by the standards you set for yourselves, not by arbitrary measures shown online..
When I shut out the noise and simply look within, in my own marriage, I’m happy. He and I are not extraordinary creatures, but together, with each other, our ordinaryness has created something extraordinary. We don’t need to be superstars, but simply two souls building a life together, and helping meet each other where our needs are.
An old friend and I were laughing recently.. She and I have been friends since before we met our husbands.. Since the time you talk in girlish innocence about your prince charming. OMG, I told her, can you believe we’re married to the ‘dream’?! No way, she said.
But it’s true. Prince Charming isn’t some alien creature of superhero abilities. He’s a man. With strenths and weaknesses. Prince charming isn’t some one who makes life exciting at every moment.
He’s just a guy… A good guy, who’s good to you. Maybe he’s busy in life doing all the ‘boring things’.. Maybe its not all sparks and flashes but foundations and roots.. But those are the irreplacable pieces that hold up our lives.
Here’s the good men in our lives. May we find them, appreciate them, and be good to them as they are good to us.